I can’t promise that this will be my last such post, but there seems to have been a stir created by my Father’s Day post a few days ago that is causing me to go back and see where my written mistakes were. If this is something you can not handle, or would just like to remain oblivious to the judicial system, the truth, and how things work in the family court of the US, then please, just stop reading. More than likely you will just look at the words and not understand anyway.
Yes, I am angry at a broken system. I also understand that there is only so much I can do as one person. This is why I have joined up with many organizations to keep fighting. Every situation is a bit different, yet every one seems to have the same result. Although some of my story is written in my last post (and other previous ones) I also refer to other stories from contacts and friends. I apologize to anyone who missed this. I did leave out names in respect to all of our wishes. I’m sure if you search out other postings on the day through father’s organizations, my story will be referred to in the same manner. It is what we chose to do. We may not have political power and a lot of money to change the system over night, but we can put it out in the world to make other people aware. Maybe some will even join us in our fight to bring justice into the “justice system”
Now for some specific clarifications. Divorce happens. I am not going to dwell on the why it happens. Some relationships just don’t work out. I think most people learn this when they begin making friends and dating. Sometimes it takes a while to figure out a relationship isn’t going to work out. Sometimes it’s easy, sometimes it’s not. Again, every situation is different and this post isn’t about the breakdown of a marriage, it’s what happens after that breakdown. Ultimately, there are 2 people involved. I still believe fully that it takes 2 to make it work and 2 to make it fail.
There is no such thing as a part-time parent, this is a definition made up in a court system. I think I stated this clearly in my post. I spend the time I can (and even work hard to get more) with my kids. Every father in the above mentioned organizations does this. A lot of mothers do this as well. The difference is, (again stated in the previous post) fathers make good villains. So, as an active, caring father I am looked at as “not taking responsibility” for my kids because I work in a career (or two) that does not make a whole hell a lot of money.
To say that a mother is struggling because of a father is just plain stupid and unfair. Anyone who makes this type of statement needs to get their head out of their ass so they can actually see something. Money isn’t everything. When a mother has a career that makes more than a father, there should be an equal division. When a father wishes to spend more time and works to be regularly involved, this should be granted in all cases. (unless there is proven abuse) When a mother just choses to struggle for appearance, this too should be acknowledged by the court. When a GAL states in a report that a person needs to seek anger management, it should be ordered for the safety of all involved.
When this same woman states she is struggling without help from a father, she too, needs to take her head out of her ass so she can see. Making a comfortable income plus gaining financial support from the father shouldn’t be too much of a struggle. Also, mothers have a wide range of assistance available to them. Try getting any of this as a father. There are also fathers who offer to take kids when they are sick so the mother can work. Offer to have them for longer time and share in getting them to school so they do not have to spend time away from parents during the day or wake up at 5am to start school at 9am. When the father shows up on agreed times to care for his children and gets turned away at the door, it’s a sign that a mother does not want this type of help. When a mother denies a father time, hides his children from him for 20+ days at a time, there is a bit of an issue there. Maybe not paying an attorney to help lie every few months in a court room would save some of that money the mother is seeking.
Ultimately, the “justice system” we have is a theatre. The major actors get the prize. Hire the best actors and storytellers and the hard evidence in front of everyone gets thrown out. So yes, there are lots of fathers out there fighting to change this. It’s fighting for change to better the future and help our kids. People who do not understand should do some more searching and reading. It’s out there, I’m doing my part. I also need to thank those who are not directly involved in a situation for speaking up in various forums in support of this cause. If you’re too stuck in the antiquated ways of our current system, I feel bad for you. I hope you will someday learn what a fair system is and look at two sides of any situation before casting any sort of judgement or favoring one side. especially if that side is not related to you.
Until this is realized, I will be considered a lower life form by my daughter’s mother and by other single mothers everywhere because..........
I am a father.
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